1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.

2. Do not go near the edges of it.

3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, 
buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to 
fly in the edges.



The difference between a duck and a copilot?

The duck can fly.



A check ride ought to be like a skirt.

Short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover everything.



Speed is life.

Altitude is life insurance.



It only takes two things to fly:

Airspeed, and money.



The three most dangerous things in aviation:

1. A Doctor or Dentist in a Bonanza.

2. Two captains in a DC-9.

3. A flight attendant with a chipped tooth.



Aircraft Identification:

If it's ugly, it's British.

If it's weird, it's French.

If it's ugly and weird, it's Russian.



Without ammunition, the USAF would be just another very expensive flying 
club.



The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good 
bowel movement. NOTE: A night carrier landing is one of the few 
opportunities to experience all three at the same time.



The similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots?

If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies.

If ATC screws up, the pilot dies.



It's better to break ground and head into the wind than to break wind and 
head into the ground.



The difference between flight attendants and jet engines is that the engines 
usually quit whining when they get to the gate.



New CAA motto: 
'We're not happy, till you're not happy.'



If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.



I give that landing a 9 ... on the Richter scale.



Unknown landing signal officer to carrier pilot after his 6th unsuccessful 
landing attempt: 'You've got to land here son. This is where the food is.'

Submitted by Claire Rudolph